


Identity

by respoftw



Series: 2018 Hurt/Comfort Bingo [10]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Identity, M/M, cloning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 04:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: “You think I’m a clone?” Rodney said, wriggling under the marines hold.  “I’m not a clone.  I’m me.     Dr Rodney McKay,  twice a doctor actually, two PhDs.  I’m the smartest man in two galaxies, Canadian and am deathly allergic to citrus.”





	Identity

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve played hard and fast with the cloning rules in the Pegasus Galaxy...just go with it.

Rodney surfaced to consciousness slowly, the chatter of excited voices floating in and out of his awareness like a buzzing fly that he wanted nothing more than to swat away.He tried telling them to shut up, to leave him in peace, but his mouth didn’t seem to be wired into his brain and all he could do was lie there, fuzzily floating just beyond consciousness. 

After what could have been hours, minutes or seconds, Rodney finally felt like he could open his eyes.  Cracking them open slowly, he fully expected to see the harsh lights of the infirmary, to hear the worried brogue of Carson or the sarcastic drawled relief of John welcoming him back.  Rodney blinked in surprise at the dim light that surrounded him instead.  Moving his head slightly to look around, he noticed the walls were made of stone, almost as if he was in some kind of cave or bunker.  

God, he hoped it wasn’t the Genii.  What the hell kind of mess had Sheppard got him in this time?

“Ah, Dr Keller?  The, ah - it’s awake.”

It took Rodney a second to figure out that he was the ‘it’ the marine with the P-90 in his hands was referring to which was long enough for Rodney to start fretting over the state of his brain cells.  He was so concerned by his delayed cognitive processing that he almost forgot to be offended at being called ‘it’.

Dr Keller was a small, blonde doctor - a medical doctor if the yellow on her uniform jacket was anything to go by - and Rodney thought she looked vaguely familiar but he couldn’t be sure.  Blonde hair and big boobs were deemed semi worthy of space in Rodney’s memory for names and faces but the doctor that Rodney remembered seemed like she should be younger.

“Would someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?” Rodney snapped, or attempted to snap anyway.  His voice came out raspy and weak like he hadn’t used it in weeks.  Dr Keller looked surprised he could even talk at all.

“Fascinating,” she said.  “The vocal chords actually work.”

“What do you mean ‘fascinating’?” Rodney rasped.  “Of course they work.  Why wouldn’t they?”  Rodney attempted to sit up but his body wasn’t fully cooperating and what little ground he gained was thwarted when the same marine from before pushed him back into the chamber that he was lying in.

Oh God.  He was lying in a chamber.  A stasis chamber by the looks of it, although there were some extra components attached to it that Rodney itched to investigate.  Of course, it would have been a million times more fascinating if he weren’t the poor fool stuck in the chamber.  He had always preferred being the one doing the saving than being the one needing saved.

“Where’s John?” he asked, craning his neck to look around the cavern as best he could.  “John?” Yelling probably wasn’t the best idea given the state of his voice but the way these people, supposed colleagues of his, were looking at him was freaking him out.  “John?” he tried again.  “Teyla?  Ronon?”

“I thought clones couldn’t talk?” the burly marine still holding him down asked.

“None that I’ve ever seen have been able to,” Dr Keller answered, watching Rodney carefully.  “At least none of Michael’s attempts could.  There’s Asgard technology back in the Milky Way that supposedly works but...let’s get it back to Atlantis and see what we can find out.”

“You think I’m a clone?” Rodney said, wriggling under the marines hold.  “I’m not a clone.  I’m me. Dr Rodney McKay,  twice a doctor actually, two PhDs.  I’m the smartest man in two galaxies, Canadian and am deathly allergic to citrus.”

Keller looked fascinated but unconvinced.  Rodney saw her start to reach for a very large looking hypodermic needle that was half hidden by her black medical rucksack and started to squirm harder.

“No, look, I promise I’m real.  I — we were on MX4-5Y9.” The details of his last memories  before waking up and finding himself here were  coming back to him now.  “Yes!  There were caves there.  We’re still here aren’t we?”  Keller and the marine exchanged a look and Rodney knew he was right.  “Ha!  I knew it.  I went into the caves, following an energy signature and it led me here....oh god.”  Rodney stilled as he remembered what happened next.

“The chamber...it activated and there was this stupidly bright light and then it was closing around me and before I - - there was another me.  He was getting out of a second chamber and - oh god, that’s why you think I’m a clone.  There’s another me walking around the planet isn’t there?  Oh, that’s so not good.”  Rodney felt his breath start to come faster and faster while his chest grew tighter and tighter and he knew he was working himself into a hell of a panic attack.  With good reason, sure, but those were never fun and - oh, there the hypodermic needle went.  Rodney was almost glad to black out.  With any luck, he’d wake up on Atlantis and this whole mix up would be sorted.

* * *

 

Rodney should have been happier to find himself in the infirmary when he woke up again, he should have been beside himself to find Samantha Carter sitting in the chair beside his bed but, the last he had checked, Sam was based out of the SGC and had much, much shorter hair than the woman who was currently looking at him like he had shot her puppy.  

That and the lack of Carson, Elizabeth and his team was enough to put Rodney on edge.

"Welcome back," she said, a faint smile on her face.  "Here," she leaned forward and picked up the container of water that sat on the small over-the-bed table that was pushed out of the way.  Pouring a drink, she passed him the glass and Rodney gratefully accepted it, the cool water soothing his sore throat.  "Dr Keller thought you might be thirsty," she said.

Rodney noticed Dr Keller for the first time and scowled.  "Dr _Keller_ thought I was a clone so excuse me if I don't give a rats ass about what Dr Keller thinks.  Where the hell is Carson anyway?"

Sam's smile grew even more strained as she stood up, starting to pace in a tight line as Keller checked Rodney’s vitals before leaving Sam to it.  "We know you're not a clone," she said.  "Dr Keller ran some tests and, well, your story checks out."

"My _story_?" Rodney felt justified in his outrage.  He had saved Atlantis countless times, was a member of the premier gate team on the city, the head of the science department and here Sam was treating him like some idiot whose words couldn’t be trusted.

Sam winced apologetically.  "Ok, bad choice of words," she admitted.  "I just meant that we know what happened now.  When the people of MX4-5Y9 first contacted us to tell us that they had found, well, you, we were a little bit confused seeing as you - or who we thought was you had been living here on Atlantis happily for the past - -"  Sam trailed off, her face pinched like she'd said too much, like Rodney wasn't a genius who had already figured it all out.

"Months," he said.  "It's been months, hasn't it?"

Sam sat down again,  meeting his eyes for the first time.  "It's been two years," she said.  "Two years, three months and four days."

Rodney screwed his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on not throwing up the water he'd just drank.  

Sam kept speaking, a highly detailed explanation of what exactly had happened in that cave and how exactly they had managed to figure it out.  Rodney's heart was beating so loudly that he barely heard any of it but it all boiled down to those wacky Ancients being their usual asshole selves and leaving dangerous experiments just lying about for any unsuspecting scientists to walk into.  This particular experiment seemed to involve creating a carbon copy of yourself to continue your life work in the event of a life-threatening illness.  A carbon copy that had all of your memories and all of your abilities..  A carbon copy whose only difference on a physical level was the fact that his cells could only be carbon dated back two years.  Two years, three months and four days to be exact.  Sam seemed to be stressing the fact that his copy - he really preferred the term evil clone - would have had no idea about what had happened; the ancient system purposefully wiping the memory so that psychological function of the copy wasn’t affected by the knowledge that they weren’t the original.

“It’s fascinating really,”she finished.

Rodney thought it was the worst kind of violation.  He tried very hard not to think about how no-one had apparently noticed that it wasn't the real him.  Madness lay down that road so he took the other road instead, asking the question he’d been wanting to ask since he woke up to Sam and Dr Keller instead of....

"Where's Carson?  Or Elizabeth?"

The look on Sam's face told him that this road wasn't much safer.

"They're dead," Sam said, not sugar coating it.  "Carson died in an explosion not long after you - - two years ago.  Elizabeth was killed not long after during the war with the Replicators."

War.  Jesus Christ, as if the Wraith weren't bad enough, now they had to deal with Replicators?

John must be - - oh, God.Rodney took a deep breath, pushing aside the grief over Carson and Elizabeth to deal with later and raised his eyes to look at Sam."My team?"

"They're alive," Sam said, looking relieved to be giving some good news.  "They're visiting some allies of ours at the moment.  We haven't told them yet about - - well, they're due to check in soon so we'll tell them then."

"What?!  And leave them with my evil clone in the meantime?  He could be killing them as we speak!"

"He's not - “ Sam stopped herself, sighing.  “He’s not evil, Rodney.  Radek has done a thorough investigation of the database looking for all mentions of the Ancient device you activated and there is absolutely nothing to suggest that he is anything but another you.  He's...you realise that I've spent longer working with him than I have with you?  He's saved us all countless times.  He's an integral part of this expedition."

Rodney blanched at that.  _He_ had saved them all countless times.  _He_ was an integral part of the expedition.  Not this usurper who had taken his life and ran with it.

Sam seemed to realise her mistake and stood up again, her hand hovering warily over Rodney's own.

"I didn't mean to suggest that - - it's just that our Rodney is - "

" _Your_ Rodney stole my life," Rodney snapped, his anger overtaking the hurt for just a second.  It figured that Sam liked his evil clone more than she had ever liked him.  "He..." Rodney shook his head, not wanting to think about it anymore. "Look, do I have to stay here or am I free to go?"

Sam sighed, standing back.  "You're free to go for now.  I’ll expect you in my office first thing in the morning and we can come up with some sort of plan on what to do with you.  There actually a whole section in the SGC guidebook covering this sort of thing but I know you and you're probably itching to get to the labs and I think that's probably the best thing for you."  She handed him a radio.  "I'll contact you when Colonel Sheppard gets back."

Rodney took the radio out of her hand and stalked out of the room.  He couldn't resist a parting shot though.

"You don't know me, Sam.You know him.”

* * *

Just to prove Sam wrong, Rodney didn't go to the labs.  In truth, he couldn't face them.  He had no idea who was still alive, who had been killed (god, _Carson_. _Elizabeth_ ) and who had left.  He could only hope that Kavanagh was still gone.

He needed to catch up on the past two years so he made his way to his quarters, sure that his evil clone must have at least three spare laptops that he could steal.  After all, it's not like the clone had worried about stealing Rodney's life; what was a spare laptop between clones?

The last thing Rodney had expected was to walk into his old quarters to find a strange marine asleep on his bed.

"Dr McKay," the marine snapped to attention, his back ramrod straight as he jumped out of the bed.  "What are you - - I thought you were back on Earth?  Colonel Carter made that big speech telling us all what a big deal the Noble prize was and how proud we should be of you."

Rodney, who had been busy looking around the room and noticing the absence of all of his stuff, froze.  "Did you say Noble?"

The marine grinned, banging his hand against his forehead at his own idiocy.  "Right, right, sorry, it's the _Nobel_ prize. D'oh!  Wait, Dr McKay - what's wrong?  What's- -"

Rodney didn't hear the rest.  He was too busy running from that room as fast as his legs could carry him.  He was still running when he crashed into Radek a few minutes later, the two of them tumbling to the hard floor of the corridors outside the labs.

He hadn’t even realised he was running in that direction.  Maybe Sam did know him after all.  

"Rodney, můj bože."

Rodney could tell by the way Radek was looking at him that he had been told what had happened.  He dimly recalled that Sam had mentioned that Radek had been the one researching the Ancient device that had taken his life away, taken his Nobel away.

"I think," Radek said slowly, looking at him carefully, "that we could both use a drink.  What do you say my old friend?"

Rodney nodded, glad of the friendly welcome, and let Radek help him up.  He followed him back into the labs.  It was only when he saw that the labs were deserted that he realised he didn't even know what time it was.  Hell, he didn't even know what date it was - except that it must be December if his evil clone was back on Earth to pick up his Nobel prize.

He said as much to Radek.

"Ah, you heard about that?" Radek took the glass he had just handed Rodney back and filled it with even more alcohol.  "I think perhaps that drink was too small, ano?"

Rodney downed the glass of rotgut and barely flinched.

"What else did I miss?" he asked.   "Sam loves him, the Nobel prize committee love him, how is he even eligible?  Everything we do here is so classified that --"

"We declassified eighteen months ago," Radek said, knocking back his own drink.  "It was a very stressful time but at least we get to publish now. He - you - he won the Nobel for the data compression coding that he - you finessed four years ago."

Rodney poured himself another drink and gulped it down.  "Well, isn't that fantastic?  What else?"

Radek shrugged."He is brilliant and knows it.Perhaps not quite as mean as you but also not as good an engineer I think.He is thinner too, he took up running two years ago.In retrospect, we should have known he was not the real you."

Rodney's laugh sounded suspiciously close to a sob to his own ears and Radek took the glass out of his hand, setting it down on the desk.  

“Why didn’t you?” he asked. ”Why didn’t anyone realise that he wasn’t me?”

And that was the real crux of the matter wasn’t it?  No matter how thorough the copying process was, he couldn’t believe that it could be so perfect that no one had noticed. No one had cared.  They all seemed to like the other him better.

Radek finished Rodney’s drink himself, his mouth thinning as the alcohol burned.  “We thought...I thought..that it was the Colonel who had changed you.  Love can do that.  You seemed happy.  Happier than I have ever seen you and - - Rodney -”

For the second time in an hour, Rodney found himself running away.  His steps were shakier than before, the rotgut that Radek brewed had only gotten more potent in the past two years. It had been bad enough finding out that his copy had won the recognition that Rodney had been dreaming about his whole life but to find out that the other Rodney and Colonel Sheppard were together, publicly together not just the behind closed doors, half together that Rodney and John had been working towards when he…Rodney found himself on one of Atlantis’ balconies, his stomach emptying up the alcohol that he had just drank over the railing where it would wash out into the ocean.

Sinking to the floor, Rodney twisted around, his back to the railing and closed his eyes.  Maybe, he thought bitterly, it would have been better if they had never found him at all.  

Rodney didn’t know how long he sat there for but the sky was starting to lighten when he heard boots pounding hard against the corridor that led to the balcony.  Rodney recognised the sound of those boots like he’d heard them just yesterday.  In his reality, he had.  

Shakily, Rodney pushed himself to standing, wanting to see John for the first time in two years while on his feet.  He’d barely made it upright when John came crashing through the balcony doors, his body squeezing through the space before the doors had a chance to move far enough part to let him pass through easily.

“Rodney, Jesus, Rodney.  It’s really you.”

Rodney didn’t get much of a chance to notice the changes in John (jaw line slightly less defined, a spattering of grey hair in his stubble) before John was closing the space between them, his hands cupping Rodney’s cheeks like he was the most precious thing in the world.  

“It’s really you.”

John’s mouth closed over his and - - this wasn’t a new thing for them but he was fairly sure John had never used to cry when he kissed him before and - -

“Jesus, Rodney.” John was wiping at his tears with the heel of his hand, a wide smile on his face.  “I missed you so fucking much.”

“Why?”  Rodney asked, pushing him away.  “The way Radek tells it you didn’t have anything to miss.  I’ve heard it all already.   Didn’t you hear?  Your Rodney is a million times better.  Thinner, smarter, kinder.”

“My Rodney?  _You’re_ my Rodney.  You’re the one who - - the guy who came back with us from that planet...he doesn’t...he doesn’t whine when he has to walk more than half a mile.  He doesn’t reduce his staff to tears at least three times a week.  Hell, he doesn’t even do it once a month.”

“Those are all good things,” Rodney said stiffly.

John shook his head.  “Not to me.  Not to Teyla or Ronon either.  There was a reason none of us complained when he decided that he was too important to be on a gate team, Rodney.  It was because he wasn’t you.”

“He’s not on the team?  But Radek said that we were - that I loved you - that the clone acted differently because he and the Colonel were —“

John shook his head, stepping forward to touch Rodney again.  “Colonel _Carter_ ,” he said.  “He and Carter are - -“

“Oh-thank-god.”  Rodney breathed, his legs giving out.  “I thought that - -he took my life, John.  He took Atlantis.  I couldn’t have taken it if he had took you too.”

“Never,” John said, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.  “I swear.”

They sat there on the hard tile of the balcony until the sun was fully up, holding each other.  For the first time since he’d woken up in that cave Rodney actually felt wanted.  

Later, when they joined Teyla and Ronon for breakfast in John’s room, away from prying eyes, that wanted feeling settled a bit deeper.  Teyla rested her forehead against Rodney’s for a full thirty seconds and both of them were teary eyed when the parted.  Ronon lifted him off his feet and swung him around, Rodney’s feet knocking a chair over.

“So, tell me everything that I’ve missed,” he said as they sat down to eat.  “Oh, and everything that you didn’t like about the other Rodney too.  Leave nothing out.”

Ronon grinned, his mouth already filled with bacon.  “Well, he has this really stupid little goatee - -“

“I knew it!” Rodney screeched.  “I knew he was evil!”

Teyla rolled her eyes like she always did when one of them made a Star Trek reference and John laughed his demented muppet laugh while Ronon just shrugged and stuffed his face with food.  Rodney felt peace settle over him.  He had no idea what was going to happen next, he had no idea what his place was in an Atlantis that already had a Rodney McKay but, with John, Teyla and Ronon beside him, he knew that he would figure it out.

**Author's Note:**

> This fills the ‘Loss of Identity’ square of my H/C bingo card which you can see [here](https://respoftw.dreamwidth.org/19969.html#cutid1)
> 
> Please feel free to suggest which square I do next, I'm aiming for blackout!


End file.
